Your child is lying on the hospital bed, immensely sick and unable to move. Clouds of doubt are forming in his or her mind, and the face looks grieving and puzzled. You are reading a book, singing a poem, or simply holding his or her hand, when all of a sudden, your child asks, “Am I going to die?”
This question is enough to send shivers down your spine as a parent and force you to lie, even when you have little to no hope. It is also one of the most, probably the most difficult questions you can ever hear, and can silence the room for minutes, which feel like hours.
How to React to Your Child’s “Am I Going to Die?” Question
The fact that your toddler knows what death is is one of the most alarming facts you can hear as a parent. But the truth is, they don’t really understand it properly. They might know what it looks like outwardly, but don’t really understand it fully.
Yet still, answering your child’s “Am I going to die?” is a psychological question that requires answering truthfully and in a way they understand. Such questions are one of those innocent questions for which your child is curious to hear the answer, yet you couldn’t gather the words to answer. But there’s a way you could answer the question, and what better way than the one that inspires hope?
Focus on Today and Tomorrow
“Right now, you are with me, and that’s what matters the most.” These are the kindest words your child can ever hear, even if they don’t directly answer their question. Reminding them that their presence matters to you can instill love in their heart and might even heal the illness a little. You also need to remind them that there is no guarantee what the future holds, so all that matters is that they are here now.
Acknowledge Their Bavery and Strength
Your child fighting the illness is one of the greatest acts of bravery they have performed, which even they don’t realize. You need to remind them of that. You need to tell your child that the way they are fighting the disease is something even you cannot do, and even the bravest soldiers envy people like them. It takes a great amount of courage to go through what they are facing, and it only takes a courageous person to live through it.
Use Simple, Honest Hope
Miracles happen, even if science doesn’t think they’re possible. One of the many ways you can answer your child’s “Am I going to die?” question is, “We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know that miracles happen every day.” This sparks hope in a way that they start believing they will get better, which affects their recovery in a positive way.
Turn the Question Into a Comfort Promise
Instead of answering the question directly, convert the question into a comfort promise. Answer them like, “I don’t know everything about what will happen, but I promise you that no matter what, you will never be alone, you will never be in pain that we can’t help, and you will always, always be loved.” While in many cases such answers do not answer the question, they give your child the comfort he or she needs at the moment.
As a Final Point
Your child deserves to know the truth, but more importantly, he or she deserves hope. They need to know that the world isn’t going to end tomorrow, and that life can have ups and downs, but good always follows bad. Even more important is to shower love upon them, for not only will they cherish it, but you will too, and it will strengthen your bond with them.
